The first time I felt, in a small way, that saying goodbye can be really painful is when my favourite teacher in Standard 1, Sister Marcellina, left St. Joseph's Convent, my school. Then leaving the school in Standard 4 was also heart breaking for me. I realised that I have just concluded one phase of my life. After that I left my secondary and higher secondary schools and then was ultimately relieved to "run away from the clutches of the professors of my engineering college". With every goodbye, to these institutions, there was the eagerness to look forward to the life ahead. After my higher secondary, I was excited to explore college life. After college life, it was the excitement of the professional life - the feeling of being financially independent and less accountable to parents. But the underlying emotion and sadness of leaving the institutions can never be ignored.
When I joined my first company, TATA Consultancy Services or commonly known as TCS, an IT firm in India, we were taken for training in GOD's own country - Trivandrum, Kerala. After three months training and enjoying the newly-found friends and freedom in the picturesque region, we were dispersed to different offices of the organisation in different cities. It was sad to bid adieu to the entire atmosphere. But, at the same time, it was difficult to suppress the sheer joy of joining the TCS office in Bangaore, the Silicon Valley of India.
Thanks to TCS, I have been able to visit quite a few places abroad. The first time I went abroad was in 2002 in Santa Clara, California for a very short stint and then soon to Salt Lake City, Utah, USA and then in South Korea and USA again. Every time my tenure in those places ended and I took the return flight, I was excited to meet my near and dear ones back home with the gifts that I so meticulously shopped for them. At the same time saying the final adieu to the place was difficult. There were friends I made, which were not necessarily the colleagues.
In Santa Clara,for example, I met a Mexican driver, with whom I started interacting and getting some wonderful insights into his life. And so was the receptionist of my hotel who made some hilarious facial expressions and mimicries.
In South Korea , the old maid who cleaned my hotel room was an immigrant from Indonesia. She didnt know English and I didnt know any other language that I could communicate with her. And still we spoke! In sign languages and tit-bit English words. I remember her face when I said to her that I am leaving...it said all.
Long after I again went to Washington DC. I took the tube and then walked for 10 minutes to reach my office. On the way, every morning, I passed by a violin player, playing some melancholy tune. Sometimes when I had a few cents jingling in my pocket, I placed on the mat laid in front of him. The last time I walked past him, I felt sad. I would, in all probability, never see him again.
And then there are friends. In different walks of life, you meet them; your lines cross and you spend some wonderful moments with them. Something happens - you change workplace, you change city and soon you realise that its time to say GOODBYE. (Thanks to Facebook, you can always stay connected, though!)
Quite often, its difficult to say adieu to inanimate objects, as well. I remember, when one of our old ancestral buildings was being demolished, how sad my grand-parents were as they spent their childhood there. Sometimes, we fall in love with some our of wardrobe collection or even our vehicles. The other day my carpenter said how he adores his 15-year-old motorcycle and is not willing to replace it, though he is fully aware of its aging symptoms.
I remember the last time I left Fedden Flats, my flat during my study in Cranfield University. From the car park, with moist eyes, I looked back at the large window in the first floor, the forth from the right - it was the window that brought all the fresh air and sunshine for the last one year for me.
And then there are the final final adieu to the near and dear ones, perhaps the most painful of all the adieus. My grandfather was bed-ridden for 2-3 years. During that time, everytime I came back from home to bangalore, I didnt know whether I will meet him again, until one day, while in Bangalore, I heard he is no more. It was a similiar experience with my grandmother after a few years. My maternal grand-father was so hale and hearty, that I could not still believe that that was the last time I saw him. Then were were not-so-close relatives and neighbours, but nonetheless, its not always easy to say the final goodbye. One day my mother called me to say that the rickshaw puller, who took us to school for 7 years died. I had lost contact with him. But, the news brought with it some sweet memories and a heavy atmosphere.
I have learnt that this is how life goes on. Expect the unexpected. There will be final adieus, and there will also be new beginnings. A phase will end, another phase in life will take on. A mortal relation may end, but the relationship can stay with us forever. All said and done, the heart still aches to say that final adieu.
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