However, being alone does not mean going into isolation. I can be alone even when I am in the middle of a crowded place. In life there has been at least four occasions that I recount where I was so much with myself that I did not want to disturb me!
The first in Kanyakumari, the southernmost point of the Indian peninsular. I was standing on the shore - was facing the Indian Ocean, to the left was the Bay of Bengal and to the right was Arabian Sea. It was evening, the sun was about to set. There was a cool breeze that blew all over, the sound of the ocean waves that broke on the rocky shores, the mumbling of the people around. It was simply magical. That was 2001, just after I stepped out of my college to join my first company, TCS. That phase of my life was also important.I didn't know what all to expect from the professional life...I had heard a lot of stories about it...it was time for me to test the waters. There were dreams, and a thousand thoughts. There were mixed emotions.And then there was the calmness and the vastness in front of me, both literally and spiritually. That was first time I felt very close to my inner soul, I felt that if I had the power I would pause the time and live the moment to eternity...
The second time I was on the banks of the river Ganges, sitting under the Lakshman Jhula bridge in Hrishikesh, near Hardwar, when I felt that peace again. It is inexplicable. There were these gigantic green mountain ranges of the Himalayas in front of me. The cloudless clear blue sky up above. The clear shallow waters of the Ganges lost its way in the distant mountain chains. Not far above is the Lakshman Jhula bridge, from where I could occasionally hear the bells that were tied around the neck of some mules, the common transport for carrying local goods. It was a picture-perfect moment in my life. I wish I had frozen that time. That was February, 2007. I was just offered a seat in Cranfield University...I had this feeling of joy as well as that of uncertainty. Leaving my known shores and stepping into an unknown future. Enjoying the calmness around, I thought about my childhood days, my school days, my college days, the time I spent with my wife, brother, parents, grandparents, relatives, friends....
In my third encounter with the inner self was when I was in Cranfield University. I had written my feelings during that time:
"Sometimes silence speaks more than words, darkness has more light than the sunny days and eventless moments become more memorable than eventful ones. Tonight, the night of 21st June, the power went off in the campus. Initially it was annoying as it meant I could not do anything – even not surf the net. But as I looked around, I realised, it was dead silence outside. The almost complete darkness out of the window and lack of any artificial light made the atmosphere absolutely spectacular. I decided to play a soft music in my laptop. While the gentle sound of the soothing and melodious sitar filled my room and my ears, my eyes wandered around the silhouette created by the distant tress, with the very faint light in its background. My mind and soul were filled with the heavenly peace. It was the peace that I was searching for long, but never really knew how to get to it. I hope and pray that the power does not return tonight.
So as the battery of my laptop dwindles down, I decide to pen the memorable eventless, dead silent and pitch dark night before my feelings get lost in tomorrow’s morning sunlight. Suddenly I can smell the rain and hear the faint raindrops pattering on my window panes. It gives me goose bumps! Its so plainly simple a night and yet so out of the world!
Let me now write not a sentence more and enjoy the mysterious night and discover the peace within!"
It was June, 2008, when I was contemplating on whether I should return to India or struggle in UK for some more days, looking for a decent job in the already shrunk economy during the recession time. Somehow, after that day I felt it was more important that I should have the inner peace.
And then there was Benaras or Varansi. Completely different from the other three places mentioned. It was, put in a word, crowded to the core. Everywhere you look, there's people around you. In the first place, it was difficult to find a hotel room, then it was difficult to walk in the narrow and crowded streets, it was difficult to find a place to sit. There was an ocean of people. People of all sects of life. There were people who were so poor, that they hardly can afford to have a square meal a day and yet they came to the holy city (one of the oldest cities in the world) to offer their prayer to the GOD. They took the holy dip in the Ganges, which is very polluted, to say the least. It was one such foggy morning in the "ghats" of Benaras, where all I could see around was people, people and people. They were shivering in cold, busy drying their body, offering prayer to the GOD...there were activities all around. It was noisy and not-clean. And I felt those goose-bumps again...amidst the hustling and bustling crowd. And again, it was ignoring the world around your, being oblivion to the world around you, and connecting to the power inside you...suddenly seeing the light inside you, which words cant express.
It was end-January, 2009. May I mention, during that time I was quite frustrated with my job in IBM then and just the day before I started my journey for Benaras, I was informed that after waiting for four long months, I got the approval from the Oracle Management team to join Oracle in my favourite city, Bangalore within a month. I was elated and had only GOD to thank for the break. It was like breaking away from the shackles and filling my lungs with pure fresh air!
Its not that these are the only four times I felt that heavenly peace...but these are times that stood so different from the rest. These are the times that awakened me - kept me reminding that true mankind is above the petty fights and quarrels, that what clothes we wear, lifestyle we lead, the inner soul of all people are the same. And it is the connection with the inner soul that that matters - connections with the body and the inner soul and connection between different inner souls. Its a matter of understanding people, beyond what they look like or how they are related to you. Its the light that guides us and takes us forward, that gives us the supreme peace. In each of these times, I was not in the best frame of minds. I was in dilemma or may I put it in this way, somewhat confused state of mind. And after these respective incidents I seemed to know which way to choose, which path to follow. And thats why perhaps, I remember these incidents and those moments so vividly.
Let the light within keep glowing, guiding and enlightening!
