Parents often scold their kids when they do badly or "fail" in exams. "Fail" means more like not meeting the parents expectations and not a fail in a subject or class. I think that is quite common with most of the parents and I do not blame any parent,in particular, for that. As parents, we always want our sons and daughters to win every single time - be it in studies, sports or other competition. From childhood we get a feeling that failure is untouchable; failure is humiliating; failure is the end of the road.
Parents seem to have a bagful of wise quotes for their kids except "Failure is the pillar of success". For them, the only way to success is winning, where failure is not an option. However "failed" a parent is, he or she can never see one in the offspring. So, from childhood, the word "failure" becomes synonymous with the word "fear". For most students, the fun of studies is lost due to the scolding in case of a failure. For the same reason, I think many of us love history, geography, mathematics and science more now than we used to when we were students. And, mind you, this "failure" parameter is not absolute; it is relative to the expectation of the parents. Children enjoy sports, because parents seem less particular about losing in sports. But when it comes to studies, there is absolutely no room for failure. We are motivated to win, but never prepared to lose.
But, are we not missing the bigger picture in the whole process? If I had got 2 marks less in some History paper in Class Five, does it do any difference to me now? Sadly, for students, those 2 marks, a miscalculated arithmetic problem, a diagram without labeling, an essay with a couple of spelling mistakes are made to look like the roadblocks to their future career. And all these when the parents could have easily told "Its okay to fail, dear. Make sure you put up a better show next time. We all fail". Yes, "we all fail!". That's the word they never tell. Until the students grow up into adults and find for themselves, much later in my life, that "we all fail". True, we all love success and love to win, but failure is unavoidable. Parents forget to teach their kids how to accept failure gracefully and move on. So, for the kids, failure often comes as a shock and a disappointment.
The fear of failure makes us hesitant to take a risk. Every time before taking a risk, we think of the fearful consequences in case it does not click. After all we have become terrified of the word (failure) since childhood. In Western countries, parents are not so "protective" about their wards. Perhaps, that is why they have a greater risk-taking capability than us, Indians. May be, that is also a reason they are more adventurous and more entrepreneurial than their Eastern counterparts.
Failure is a part of our life since childhood. We fall when we first try to stand on our own. We fall when we leave our parents' fingers for the first time and try to walk on our own. In every phase of our life we stumble upon some things, we falter, we fall, we fail. Everyday there are moments where we don't get what we want. Is it not a type of failure? Its not bad to fall. Its bad when that fall makes you a weaker person.
My daughter is only four now. When she grows up, one day I shall tell her, "Its okay to fail, dear. We all do. Just make sure you don't repeat the mistake. I know you can put up a better show". I would rather let her fall and fail and be there as a safety net, than develop a fear for failure in her. I would rather see her run and fall and bruise her ankle, than not run at all.
Failure will be part of her life in one form or the other. She has to face that with courage and dignity. The fear of failure will only take the fun out of an integral part of her life.
Parents seem to have a bagful of wise quotes for their kids except "Failure is the pillar of success". For them, the only way to success is winning, where failure is not an option. However "failed" a parent is, he or she can never see one in the offspring. So, from childhood, the word "failure" becomes synonymous with the word "fear". For most students, the fun of studies is lost due to the scolding in case of a failure. For the same reason, I think many of us love history, geography, mathematics and science more now than we used to when we were students. And, mind you, this "failure" parameter is not absolute; it is relative to the expectation of the parents. Children enjoy sports, because parents seem less particular about losing in sports. But when it comes to studies, there is absolutely no room for failure. We are motivated to win, but never prepared to lose.
But, are we not missing the bigger picture in the whole process? If I had got 2 marks less in some History paper in Class Five, does it do any difference to me now? Sadly, for students, those 2 marks, a miscalculated arithmetic problem, a diagram without labeling, an essay with a couple of spelling mistakes are made to look like the roadblocks to their future career. And all these when the parents could have easily told "Its okay to fail, dear. Make sure you put up a better show next time. We all fail". Yes, "we all fail!". That's the word they never tell. Until the students grow up into adults and find for themselves, much later in my life, that "we all fail". True, we all love success and love to win, but failure is unavoidable. Parents forget to teach their kids how to accept failure gracefully and move on. So, for the kids, failure often comes as a shock and a disappointment.
The fear of failure makes us hesitant to take a risk. Every time before taking a risk, we think of the fearful consequences in case it does not click. After all we have become terrified of the word (failure) since childhood. In Western countries, parents are not so "protective" about their wards. Perhaps, that is why they have a greater risk-taking capability than us, Indians. May be, that is also a reason they are more adventurous and more entrepreneurial than their Eastern counterparts.
Failure is a part of our life since childhood. We fall when we first try to stand on our own. We fall when we leave our parents' fingers for the first time and try to walk on our own. In every phase of our life we stumble upon some things, we falter, we fall, we fail. Everyday there are moments where we don't get what we want. Is it not a type of failure? Its not bad to fall. Its bad when that fall makes you a weaker person.
My daughter is only four now. When she grows up, one day I shall tell her, "Its okay to fail, dear. We all do. Just make sure you don't repeat the mistake. I know you can put up a better show". I would rather let her fall and fail and be there as a safety net, than develop a fear for failure in her. I would rather see her run and fall and bruise her ankle, than not run at all.
Failure will be part of her life in one form or the other. She has to face that with courage and dignity. The fear of failure will only take the fun out of an integral part of her life.
