You are just a phone call away!

The number of contacts in my mobile phone run well above two hundred; when I open my gtalk or yahoo messenger I see more than a dozen friends always online; my orkut account has more than 150 friends and so is my facebook account. Many of you will have much more than that. Am I not lucky to have so many friends at the click of a button? And yet sometimes the world seems so lonely! Hardly the phone rings apart from the very familiar ones; hardly someone scraps and yet I like to think I am in the middle of everything! At the end of the day before going to sleep I can hardly count the number of people I can count on. Is there really anyone to whom I can pour my heart out?

This world is strange - you come alone in this world, you leave alone and yet like to think that you are not alone. You hate to be alone, though its a fact that we all are alone! Alone in our own world, where we silently laugh, smile, cry and shed tears. Our world is a very personal one. On one hand we like to share part of our world with very few people, on the other hand we want this world to be as private as possible.
Its a dilemma.

Do I really want to let others know who am I and what I think? We always try to don some type of the mask - in office we are different(quite professional), in home we are on our own (as close as it can get), in playgrounds we are competitive, with a bunch of strangers in a flight or train we are reserved. Are we not trying to camouflage our identity depending on the environment? And in the midst of all these sometime we perhaps fail to identify who we actually are. As for me, sometimes I can remain so cool, while at other times I may lose my cool, sometimes silent and hardly participating in any conversation and sometimes so full of energy. My dilemma with myself continues. Exactly who am I and how am I? What do I want in life? Is there any boundary line or does the milestone keep on shifting? How much happiness is happiness? Why do I feel lonely even when I am inside a crowded football stadium? Why did I feel that eternal bliss when I alone sat for hours under the Lakshman Jhula bridge beside the shallow Ganges in the Himalayas? Why do I feel at one moment that I have all that I need in life and the very next moment I feel I have nothing that I can call my own?

I dont think I'll be able to find answers to any of these. Or perhaps I will at the end of my life. Perhaps all the answers lie in the destination, may be like a pot of gold, and this journey is just the road to the destination. Its like you climb up the mountain without really knowing whats there on the top. The day when I reach the top , perhaps, the meaning of the journey will be as clear as a whistle. Perhaps, that day all the jigsaws in the puzzle will exactly fit onto each other and I will find answers to all my questions. That day I need not call anybody to relieve me of my loneliness. I need not login to my facebook or orkut to find out if anyone left a scrap for me. I will be my own complement. The world would not need me anymore; I would not need the world either! Everybody who thought their life dependent on mine will soon find that I am not indespensable. Everybody's life will be back to normal -it will be business as usual. Like the beautiful rose in the garden which thought that it brought that extra glow in the garden and when one day it faded it realised that the no one notices it after a day or two, same thing is applicable to all of us.
So, there will come a time when I wont be blogging any more,when people will scrap me in the networking sites, mail me or ring me, they will not get any reply. Because, by that time I would have got answers to all my questions and would have already started my next journey.
Ah! What a feeling!