An open Letter to my daughter

Dearest Gudiya,

Yesterday was your birthday. You celebrated your 8^th birthday. You were happy that you are growing up. You are no longer 7. You are 8 now. You are no longer small. You have grown up. “I am not small anymore.” You proudly declared today during breakfast.

We were all very happy to celebrate your birthday. And next year you will be a year older. And another the year after. So will I be. As much as I want to see you grow and be independent, a part of me wants you to remain small and keep holding my hands with the tiny ones of yours. As much as I want you to find answers on your own, I want you to ask me those inquisitive questions. As you grow up, I will sit back and proudly watch you negotiate life. With every passing year, I will take more and more back seat as I expect you to take better control of your life. There will be a part in me who would want to advise you, contradict you, debate your decisions, run towards you when you fall. And then there would be a part of me that would just let you be, interrupting only when its absolutely necessary. Like the tiger who teaches her cubs to catch a prey and then watch them hunt for themselves, I would like to watch from behind the curtain as you take on the stage and perform.

Occasionally, I would reminiscence the memories of spending time with you over the years. Things you don’t have a clue of. You love me; but has the least clue that all throughout you are not only my love, but my life. When tired and exhausted I returned home from office, all it took was a smile and hug from you to get me rejuvenated. When you got hurt and I told you to ignore and move forward, it pained me the most. While playing, how sometimes I deliberately lost to you to see you happy and smile. Even after working and staying awake past midnight, I was more than happy to wake up at 6 the next morning. For, my day started with getting you ready and dropping you to school. And one day you will grow up to get ready on your own. You wont need me then. And years later you would pass out of your school and join a college. How I would miss waking up in the morning for you! How I would miss handing over the school bag when you stepped into the school gate!

Like birds do, like animals do, you will fly out of the nest one day in search of a better dream and better life. I would be too old to fly again. May be, too old to even dream as daring as yours. I will arrange and rearrange the straws in the nest, keep it warm, and wait for the little bird to return, who would not be that little any more.

Would you ever know that I needed you more in life than you ever needed me? Would you ever know that I learnt more from you than I could possibly teach you? Would you ever know how you came into my life and changed its course from the very first day? Would you ever know what you really mean for me? Would I be able to explain them ever to you?

                                                                                                   From your loving "baba"